Personal Responsibility and Purpose

This information is provided here because when I was a child growing up, a student at university, a worker in the workforce, all those earlier selves, this is the information that I would have wanted someone to give me, as I know now it would have been helpful to me then.

I base it on the golden rule that I am treating others as I would have wanted to be treated myself. I apply this same principle to all my relationships – I treat my children as I myself would have wanted to be treated by my father, I treat my wife as I would want her to treat me, I act towards my students as I would have wanted my lecturers to act towards me when I was a student. Provided you are not fond of sado-masochism, this principle will serve you well in life.

Taking Responsibility

This discussion pre-supposes that as unique individuals we each have a unique purpose in life, a unique life to live. If you believe that life is no more than a series of random events over which you have little control, then read no further.

In a world that overwhelms our senses with a deluge of often confusing information, it is understandable that people might be a little confused about where their future lies. Do we just take it as it comes, making choices as they are presented to us, feeling ourselves being buffeted this way and that at someone else’s whim, or do we take the view that it is better to chart your own course and be the captain of own destiny?

Studies have shown conclusively that people who take responsibility for their own lives, who have a sense of being in control of their life, are happier, healthier and ultimately more likely to achieve overall success. This kind of self-determination is the basic goal of any self-improvement course once the hype is stripped away.

But in an increasingly litigious society there is a growing tendency for people to move the other way. To demand ‘who can we blame, who can we sue?’ People are encouraged by some media to create victims of themselves and to demand compensation. Practically any commercial TV news and current affairs program takes this ‘ain’t it awful?’ approach, and people have an apparently insatiable appetite for it.

But this is to lose sight of a basic law of nature; that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Isaac Newton didn’t invent the idea. In every religion there is some form of this very basic action/reaction principal – in Christianity we see the idea that we will reap what we sow. In Hindu it is the law of karma. There are similar laws in Islam, Buddhism, Taoism.

But do we really need religion to tell us something that is just common sense? You push someone, they push you back. You be mean to someone, they’re mean back to you, or maybe someone else is mean to you sometime later. It may be hard for people to accept that it is a law of nature that whatever happens to you in your life, happens because you either made it or allowed it to happen, due to your earlier actions or lack of action.

I realise this is likely to anger some people because there are some things, like the death of an innocent child, that makes the law of karma seem impossible to accept. How could that child possibly have brought that upon themselves? I don’t know the answer to that, but what I do know is that the laws of nature apply equally and consistently throughout the world, and the larger universe. And nature acts impartially, it cares nothing about individuals.

We need to develop the habit of mind in which we constantly search our memory of our past actions, to identify which of them has directly or indirectly caused something that has just happened to us. Its difficult at first, particularly if we have been conditioned to blame others for what happens to us. It is also difficult to accept that we may be responsible for something terrible that has happened.

I can give you an example. In 1989, my partner and I bought a VW Kombi Campervan in London and spent six weeks driving around Europe, visiting Berlin when the Wall came down, and on down into what was then Yugoslavia. It was winter at the time, and the Kombi soon began to not want to start in the mornings. Language difficulties prevented us from having it serviced. I felt responsible, and became more and more negative in my thinking about this van that kept stranding us in foreign countries where I didn’t know a word of the language.

After travelling 5,000 kilometres through Europe and former Soviet-bloc countries, we arrived back in England on a midnight ferry from Callais to Dover. With only a half hour drive to our final destination, we stopped over night in a motorway layby, and slept. In the morning, sure enough, the Kombi wouldn’t start. We were sitting in the van, well off the road on the hard shoulder of the A13 at a place called Detling Hill near Maidstone when disaster struck. A big truck loaded with gravel from a nearby Quarry rear-ended us, launching the van forward with a tremendous explosive force. The truck driver was speeding (in more ways than one) and had dozed off to sleep.

One moment we were having a normal conversation, the next an explosion of force, ripping metal, shattering glass and the truck’s roaring engine. It was utterly terrifying. Mere words cannot begin to describe the raw savage terror of that moment. In the midst of it, as we careered forward I vividly remember thinking that our lives were about to end, and that it was going to be very painful and violent, crushed by the truck as it rolled over us. Incredibly, a feeling of peace and acceptance came over me in that moment. I suppose that is how it is for many people when they believe death is imminent and unavoidable. I accepted my fate, once it seemed inevitable. With my beloved wife beside me, we were at the end of our journey in this world, and about to find out what, if anything lay beyond this world.



But the truck had hit us a glancing blow (visible in the photo above the rear right wheel) that sent us off the road into the wide muddy ditch. We eventually came to rest about 50 metres from the point of impact. Through instinct I had somehow managed to keep the van from rolling over by countersteering.

Miraculously we had relatively minor injuries, whiplash and broken ribs. We scrambled out in shock, fearing an explosion. Getting to a safe distance, we looked back and were appalled to see what a mangled wreck our home-away-from-home had become. The van was not just our transport, it was the only home we had, it contained all our worldly possessions, and these were now spread in a 50m swathe across the wet grass and mud, soon to be picked over by opportunists like the man shown in the photo below.

I suppose the Kombi didn't explode because the motor was stone-cold. I found my camera in the debris, and took the photos seen here. This was the same object that cracked my ribs when it flew back from the dashboard and hit me during the collision.

When the police arrived they kept asking "Where are the bodies?", surely no one could have survived this. The impression was made worse by the shattered jar of shredded beetroot and its crimson juice that was all over the interior by now. We had bought it in Switzerland a few days earlier. The accident was so spectacular that it was the featured horror-smash on that evening’s 6:00 o’clock news. Its interesting to note that the report did not mention that the occupants were not seriously injured. It was necessary to warn off the scavenger seen below who seemed to be looking for something of value in the wreckage.



The story sets the stage, and here’s the point. On the face of it, we were not to blame. The truck driver was -- he had fallen asleep at the wheel and was the clear culprit. The police certainly thought so. They told us that if we weren't heading back to Australia, they would charge him with a dangerous driving offence. Without us as witnesses, they had no case. It was easy to think of myself as a victim, everyone was very sympathetic, nearly being killed, losing our possessions.

But as hard as it was for me to accept, once I looked back over the previous weeks, looking for the root causes, I realised that on a deeper level I was ultimately responsible for the accident because I had spent those weeks wanting to give the Kombi a gigantic boot in the rear-end every time it wouldn’t start. If I was being honest with myself, I had to set aside comfortable victimhood and have the courage to see the truth.

The accident came into focus as the explosive release of all the pent-up negative energy that I had generated towards the Kombi. It was destroyed leaving us virtually unharmed. I learned a valuable lesson in being careful about what I wish for.

I relate this story to emphasise the importance of looking past the apparent cause for the deeper root cause of events. Once we learn to recognise the real cause of the events that happen to us and around us, we gain control over our lives. On the other hand refusing to take responsibility for what happens to us in life is the opposite of being in control. It is giving the control away to others who may or may not have our best interests in mind. A non-decision is still a kind of decision.

Identifying your purpose in life

It is relatively rare that people grow up with a strong sense of their present and future purpose in life. Most people have only a vague sense of their purpose, if at all. Yet most of us are called upon at a relatively early age (15 or 16) to choose a future career. And in the traditional employment model, we are expected to stay with that career for the rest of our working lives. The traditional model is however giving way to one in which we see people making two, three, four or more career changes in their lives.

While it may not dawn on you with a blinding flash of inspiration, you can work towards a better understanding of what it is you are here to do by asking yourselves these questions, and reflecting upon them over time.

• What would I like to do more often?
• Do I want a simpler, more stable life?
• What is important to me?
• What career/occupation would I switch to if I won the lottery today?
• What are my primary and secondary reasons for doing my present job/occupation?
• How much money do I want to be making in a year, five years from now?
• What would I do if I had on three months to live?
• How much time do I spend in spiritual pursuits like meditation or volunteer work?
• What kind of relationship do I want?
• What kind of person do I want a relationship with?
• What changes do I want to make to my health and fitness?
• What do I most like to do?
• What did I do for fun when I was a child?

 



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