The first thing young Oard's must remember when at a banguet is that the hostess will not tolerat any throwing of sheep. While this is acceptable at festivals and court functions, it is absolutly unforgivable banquet behavior. A sheep is bound to soak up all the wine as it flies through the air, and this is very inconsiderate to the hostess and the other guests.

Secondly, don't chew at the table. This is horribley bad manners, especially if the centerpiece is yellow. Always stand up before chewing and then pretend to be admiring the pictures on the wall. THis prevents your entree from becoming frightened. Having the food running around the table, screaming in terror, is bound to upset the enjoyment of the banquet by the other guests.

Thirdly, always be sure to wear socks of solid silver. This helps the musicians keep the beat as you dance and it warns the guards that someone is coming. The last thing you want is to accidentally come around a corridor quietly and startle a guard who's concentrating on keeping the marble tiles from running away. Spears are very uncomfortable accesories, and you'd be very upset if it happened to clash with hat you're wearing.

Fourthly, never burp before the hostess. A hostess has the privelage of begining any and all burping contests and it would be very rude of you to take this honor away from your hostess. Also, the hostess always wins. Unless, of course, someone iwht a purple nose cloth happens to be standing under a yellow archway. In that instance, the person to the left of the hostess always gets to decide who wins.